I haven't written in quite a while. For once, busyness isn't the only reason. I am also more at peace than I have been in my whole entire life; it's the kind of peace that drowns me and swallows me up whole. I'm glad to have such a wonderful husband, and I'm happy with my job. I'm happy with life, generally. Every once in a while, I have a bout of depression, but it's been good lately.
I don't really know how to deal with the feeling of peace. It's strange, yet pleasant. I sit at home on the couch next to my husband, with my head on his shoulder. I think in anger and stress I was missing out on life and so many other great things. Breck's childish humor, cooking food without freaking out about how it looks or tastes, taking care of our crazy dogs... no matter what is going on, lately I can feel God's grace. I don't have to plan everything. I don't have to have the strength to make it through everyday. That would be just me trying to do it all myself. In the fight to be independent and handle my own problems, I forfeited marvelous grace. I crumbled under the weight of all my problems and life itself. I became so weak. But there's something wonderful about knowing how weak I am, and that has taken the burden off of my shoulders. It's such a wondrous feeling.
I love my life. I love that I can trust Someone to handle my life for me. I'm nothing but a conduit, and I need to stop letting myself get in the way of God's grace. His grace heals everything I can't. It carries me through things that I can't change, and yet in His power, it all changes. I think mountains are moving now.
I don't really know how to deal with the feeling of peace. It's strange, yet pleasant. I sit at home on the couch next to my husband, with my head on his shoulder. I think in anger and stress I was missing out on life and so many other great things. Breck's childish humor, cooking food without freaking out about how it looks or tastes, taking care of our crazy dogs... no matter what is going on, lately I can feel God's grace. I don't have to plan everything. I don't have to have the strength to make it through everyday. That would be just me trying to do it all myself. In the fight to be independent and handle my own problems, I forfeited marvelous grace. I crumbled under the weight of all my problems and life itself. I became so weak. But there's something wonderful about knowing how weak I am, and that has taken the burden off of my shoulders. It's such a wondrous feeling.
I love my life. I love that I can trust Someone to handle my life for me. I'm nothing but a conduit, and I need to stop letting myself get in the way of God's grace. His grace heals everything I can't. It carries me through things that I can't change, and yet in His power, it all changes. I think mountains are moving now.
amen girl, I'm happy for you and happy for myself that I get to enjoy you at this point in your life. You've come a long way since the first time I met you with your pigtails, scarf, shorts, and suspenders looking all sorts of crazy lol.
ReplyDeletei love you Kaylea Jane.
Schedule me in for this upcoming Saturday or Sunday.
-Rachel
Love you too, Rach. :) I can't believe I used to wear the stuff I wore!!! LOL I was a wee bit crazy, and loved the clown makeup too. Yeah, now is the best time in my life. We're in a good place, you and I. These are the good days. Saturday or Sunday is good for me. Let me know which one works best for you. Actually, I'll just call you. Love you, Rachel Leanne...
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