Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Oh, oh...Here We Go!

So, I'm out of birth control.  And we're going to see what happens.  I used to be scared to death of even the thought of children--well me having children.  I kept seeing myself as a terrible mother; the thought of Breck and I not being ready dominated my thoughts on the subject.  But, it's like everyone anyone ever ready?

We have two dogs, but they are relatively easy to take care of.  I work full-time, Breck is in school and will be for the next three and a half years.  What are we going to do money-wise?  I don't know.  How about time-wise?  I have no clue.  Daycare?  Jeez louise, that crap is expensive.  Where will we live then?  Ummm...yeah.

I start to wind myself up with all of these questions.  But what can I do about them?  Nothing for now.  That's where God must come in.  He needs to show up for those things.  My parents had four of us, and there wasn't always a lot of money, but we made it.  I don't remember feeling like we didn't have much.  Actually, I felt like we were well taken care of.  I have to remember that God will take care of us, like He did when I was younger.  He has up until this point.  Why would He stop now and leave us hanging?

Perfect love casts out all fear.  I should love Him and trust Him so much that there is no fear.  Just faith.  I'm learning how to do that.  It's hard for a girl that has a planner with appointments months and months away.  But I need to let Him drive my life.  I don't even know if I should have been taking birth control.  Why do we have to be in control of everything?  Why do I think my plans will work out?  They never do when I don't pray about them.  The point is, He should be leading me.  He should be the calming Peace that stills me.  Lord help me.  It will definitely be hard, but I admit, it's thrilling to let go of yet another part of my life and let Him decide.

So, with the possibility of becoming pregnant in the next few months, I'm not drinking caffeine, trying to eat healthy, and drinking tons of water.  I've been running, and I don't know if I should still be doing that.  I don't think many people read this, but if you have any tips, let me know.  I don't know what the heck I'm doing.  :)


  1. I kind of wondered if we could be expecting a Baby Burkhart anytime soon when I saw you pinning baby things on Pinterest. But as someone who does that a lot and is NOT looking to have kids yet, I didn't want to to be that person and ask you. :) Cause I sure know how annoying it is to get asked that all of the time when you haven't been married very long.

    And I say, don't worry! No one would ever have kids if they waited until they were ready. You guys will be great parents and will work out the details when the time comes!

  2. Thanks Kayti! :) Yes, babies have been on my mind. I've been pinning a tremendous amount of baby stuff. You can ask me anything. You won't annoy me. I'm not going to worry about it. It will all work out in the end. And when we find out, you know I'll be posting about it all the time. What can I say? I let people know all the details of my life...maybe too much. LOL I bet people are like, "Please! STOP!" :D

  3. omg i could be an auntie! life is crazy :)

  4. You definitely could be!! Life is crazy...I'm ready though. :)

  5. Babies have been on mind, too..but we're not trying. :) And I think it's refreshing that you share so many of your deep thoughts. It's always nice to hear something true and real. So keep sharing away! Well...maybe not the conception story, when the time comes ;) lol.

  6. YEAH...that would be the most awkward! LOL But thank you...I'm always surprised anyone reads my blogs. Writing has always been good therapy for me. I'm glad you enjoy it. :)