Tristitia means sadness, wretchedness, unhappiness. Isn't that ironic? Trista's name means sadness. I feel weird this holiday season. It didn't feel like Thanksgiving and it doesn't feel like Christmas is coming. These days are little more than just that; they are days. Normal days...shouldn't they be sacred and holy? Shouldn't they be joyful?
I miss my friend. It's easier to talk about her these days. Some days hurt more than others, but I know she wouldn't want me moping around.
I find that family makes the sadness better, that is, until I have to leave. Then I am so burdened on the road home. It's family that makes the holidays. I can't come home for Christmas. Sigh. I want them to be near to me. That would be nice.
I spoke with a woman yesterday who lost her father the Saturday before Thanksgiving. How sad. She was crying when she spoke about it. I hurt for her. The holidays are so cold without family. Spaces remain where loved ones used to be. As I grow older, I know more spaces will appear, seats vacated. The winter will become colder, and little bit harsher. It's love that keeps me warm, and I now realize that I rely heavily on my family and friends to give me hope that I don't find easily. It'll be okay. I think this moodiness is my cross to carry.
I miss my friend. It's easier to talk about her these days. Some days hurt more than others, but I know she wouldn't want me moping around.
I find that family makes the sadness better, that is, until I have to leave. Then I am so burdened on the road home. It's family that makes the holidays. I can't come home for Christmas. Sigh. I want them to be near to me. That would be nice.
I spoke with a woman yesterday who lost her father the Saturday before Thanksgiving. How sad. She was crying when she spoke about it. I hurt for her. The holidays are so cold without family. Spaces remain where loved ones used to be. As I grow older, I know more spaces will appear, seats vacated. The winter will become colder, and little bit harsher. It's love that keeps me warm, and I now realize that I rely heavily on my family and friends to give me hope that I don't find easily. It'll be okay. I think this moodiness is my cross to carry.
