Baby Daddy

I'm starting to feel that little tickle in my stomach.  The one that tells me that I need a cute little baby, like many of my already-parent friends.  Sigh.  If life were super simple, it would be an easy decision to make.

Last month I had a worry-fit about whether or not I would be a good mother, and blah blah blah.  But I'm really sick of worrying.  In fact, I really don't care anymore.  I want a kid.  I've been back and forth on this, so here it is.  Who's to blame for this sudden shift in attitude?  Well, you can blame my husband and how amazing he is with children.  It makes me melt.

Yesterday, he was holding a little boy in his lap, tickling him and teasing him, and I remembered one of the biggest reasons I was attracted to him.  My good gosh, he's going to be an awesome dad.  He chases our friends' kids around, lifts them up, and the children just love him.  He has a gravitational pull and all the little children just run to him.  I mean, literally.  I love the smile he gets when he's playing with them.  I love the way he talks to them.

We can't really have children right now, because he's still in college.  And after that, he's going to get his graduate degree.  So, really children aren't a possibility right now...I guess.  I also have to put him through school with a job, so yeah, it's going to be hard being the one working and having the baby.  But I don't want to wait five years.  I don't think I could.  I'm ready now.  But, I'm going to try to be patient for at least another year.  Maybe.

Books in the Books Biz

I haven't written in quite sometime...I should introduce myself to those of you who don't know me.  I'm a semi-psychotic girl with borderline personality disorder.  I'm impulsive at times...my new kick is antique typewriters.  I think I bought five within 48 hours.  My husband nearly crapped his pants and hit the roof.  You're probably wondering, "Why typewriters?"  Well, I'm into antique typewriters because of my new job.

I help people self-publish their projects (anything from cookbooks to genealogies).  The first few weeks have been quite slow, so I would read old LIFE magazines on Google Books.  In a 1955 magazine, I fell hopelessly and helplessly in love with an ad about the Royal Deluxe Quiet typewriter.  Peptobismol pink.  My good gosh, I was pathetically obsessed.

A couple days later, it was Frye moccasins...I couldn't stop.  

Needless to say, I expelled the evil spirit of impulsiveness that comes around every three or four months.  My poor husband.  

I love doing the book thing.  I love designing the covers, formatting the book block.  I even like scanning the massive genealogy documents that have found their way to my desk.  As long as I keep myself busy, I excel.  That's how this being crazy stuff works...you have to find a routine to throw yourself into, work furiously on it and smile.  When you smile a pretty smile, people think you're wonderful.  People think you could be their next best friend.  That's how you survive the day.  Read as much as you can to stuff your brain full of useless knowledge you obsess over while you can't sleep later on.  That's how you survive the night.     

I've traced the British Royal line from Charlemagne to Elizabeth II.  I have read about most of the high profile serial killers and rapists.  I found out that Ted Bundy (infamous serial rapist and murder) died the day I was born.  I find that ironic...since I was raped in college.  Maybe his death was a curse?  Maybe he still found me, only in the body of a spoiled man-child who preyed on, and probably still preys on, innocent freshmen.  God, if I know.

I've read every page of the Bible.  I believe it.  I'm constantly striving to be like Jesus, I just fail about 99% of the time.  He's gracious...He's been good to me, despite my rough past.

Anyways, I'm Kaylea.  I'm slightly crazy...but I can be very charming, funny, maybe a little sarcastic and crude sometimes.  I am foul mouthed most times, short-tempered as well.  I constantly feel guilty, but at the same time I'm not ashamed of who I am.  It's a weird balance.