I'm Still Hung Up

I haven't written in a week.  Probably because I've been busy.  And once again, I'm damming up my emotions.  I'm going to tip-toe around them, because how else can I live?  Some days it's better to live in denial after trying to soak up everything for so long.

When the dust settles, I see that my life is changing so quickly.  Change is a monster that I dread so.  I need stability.  I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to see if medicine will give that stability.  I hate how overly medicated we've become as a society, and here I am considering leveling out my emotions.  Though these emotions run me at times, and I know I shouldn't let them, they also make me so much more creative and grateful for the moments of happiness.  I'm like the desert when a drizzling rain comes.  I swallow that happiness and gulp it down.  I experience it so much fuller.  I'm certain that on my happiest days, I'm happier and more content than anyone else on this earth.  I can't accurately portray that, though.  I'm convinced that my life is a cycling wheel that spins and spins.  It's dizzying and intoxicating.  When it all stops, when all the spinning is over, what will I do then?